The elk, with an unconscious elder
on his back,
leads the people.
Torch lit warm faces
connected to antlers,
breath from nostrils.
Oblivious
to claw sharp darkness
clinging to the backs
of their heels.
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Always with you I see such great images. And always it's that little bit that wants to be cleaned up and strengthened.
Here the awkwardness of
an un
in the first line.
Being so concise means every morpheme (am I allowed to say that?) counts.
Also, the progression that goes The elk - Torch lit - Oblivious. That punctuation after nostrils does a lot. Is that what you want it to do? Just a thought...
Regardless of extreme scrutiny as above listed:
your work is solid and should be encouraged each day.
Love,
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