Heh - this one has a very "nagging" feeling - you've got a knack for placing your reader in the moment... works very well with the itch of the grass. I'm curious to see what you'd do in a longer work - linking your imagery and weaving more of a narrative. I think your capacity to render this kind of visceral intensity could really shine if you let it flow on a bit longer.

Your moments you written thus far actually remind me a bit of Joyce - he really hits that intense engagement in Ulysses. Very cool stuff - keep going, plz...